queer in the coffee shop

I like basic, boring coffee. Actually, I guess I don’t because I load mine down with a ton of Splenda and half and half. So much it barely resembles coffee at all. Much like when you date an average guy and slowly tweak everything about him to mold him into the ideal man.

I digress… I’m still a solid Red Eye or Americano type of guy, so I have never really understood the dessert-like, overly sweet ‘coffees’. But, hey, I don’t own a billion dollar company. Apparently some people love them!

So, every time I pick up Starbucks for Kyle, I am embarrassed by both the mouthful of an order and, subsequently, the drink in hand I am forced to walk out of the store with. I mean, at least it saves me the time of telling them I’m gay.

The baristas in our area have dubbed this drink the ‘Kyle.’ Apparently, ‘homo-explosion’ was already taken.

Again, not my taste, but if you are 1) craving something sweet, and 2) not diabetic, order a “non-fat iced caramel macchiato with 1 pump raspberry.”

Also, if you happen to be a heterosexual man reading this blog, I suggest grabbing your crotch and spitting on the floor immediately after ordering this drink. The two should cancel each other out.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *