Most gays confine themselves to strict high-protein, low-flavor meals that promote lean muscle and return on investment of a closetful of tank tops. Day tanks, evening tanks, even cocktail tanks.
We aren’t even making this up!
Luckily, we’ve devised an amazing turkey chili recipe that is low-maintenance, high in protein, and, above all else, doesn’t sacrifice a bit of flavor to be healthy. That is, if you care about such things. Because WE do.
We are HUNGRY. We’ve been on a diet since the Bush administration… H.W. Bush. The other day, from across the room, I watched a girl eat a cookie, bite by bite. It literally took all of my self control to not walk over and beg her to mama bird feed me that chocolate chip. She probably thought I was a serial killer. Close, but no. I’m a desperate ‘mo the week before Gay Halloween.
This recipe relies on a lot of canned ingredients and requires very little knife work. Once the very small amount of legwork is finished, the chili needs to simmer for two hours. So, kick off your heels, break into the good wine, and watch your stories.
The corn, types of beans, and whether or not you want to devein and seed your jalapeño are all options you should explore. We have made variations on this recipe so many times it’s hard to remember how it even started. But that’s why we love it so much.
- 2 pounds lean ground turkey (or sub in half ground turkey italian sausage)
- 1 small onion, chopped
- 2 15-ounce cans red kidney beans, drained
- 1 15-ounce can of black beans, drained
- 1 15-ounce can of corn (optional)
- 3 14.5-ounce cans chopped tomatoes*
- 2 1/4 cups beef broth
- 4 celery stalks, chopped
- 1 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
- 1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and chopped
- 1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
- 1-2 jalapeños, diced (depending on heat desired)
- 1/4 cup red wine vinegar
- 4½ tablespoons chili powder
- 1½ tablespoons sugar
- 2 teaspoons ground cumin
- 1½ teaspoons smoked paprika
- 1 teaspoon dried oregano
- 1 teaspoon dried parsley
- 1 teaspoon dried basil
*We recommend Hunts Fire-Roasted tomatoes for this recipe. Most queers are label snobs by nature, but honestly, we find that these add a great depth of flavor to this chili.
Heat a large, heavy bottomed pot over medium heat until hot. Sauté peppers, celery, onion and jalapeño until tender, about 10 minutes. Add ground turkey and cook until browned.
Add the remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer on low heat for two hours. Alternatively, if you’re cooking with a Dutch oven, you can bring your chili to a boil, cover, and place in the oven on its lowest temperature setting for 2 hours.
Garnish with toppings of your choice, if desired.