What’s a better post for queer in the kitchen than a baking recipe that contains key elements to gay culture: fragile emotions, dramatic overreaction, and balls… Well, cake balls!
My boss occasionally lets me leave early on Mondays if we’re slow at work. Let me also mention that my boss has a SERIOUS sweet tooth. Thus, early on I decided the best way to suck up AND simultaneously condition my boss to let me leave early Mondays, would be to show up Tuesday morning with a homemade baked good.
I was off early and was determined to bake a beautiful layered carrot cake that would keep me in his good graces as he rode out his cream cheese frosting sugar high.
I’m just gonna say it: grating carrots is the WORST thing ever, but totally worth the effort. Now, some people use a food processor, but I believe they don’t come out as uniform or finely grated for that matter. I mean, would Ina Garten stoop to using a food processor to grate her carrots? Probably. But I’m NOT.
After all the mixing, measuring, singing of the SMASH soundtrack and inappropriate gesturing with the carrots, I had two 9” cake rounds cooling and ready to be slapped together with delicious honey, cream cheese frosting.
Alas!
My laziness got the best of me and since I did not use precisely measured and cut parchment paper for my cake pans, my carrot cakes Would. Not. Budge. An. Inch.
I dramatically fell to the kitchen floor and began to cry. Literally. Then, I had a great idea, and decided to make a vodka lemonade with the lemons I had in my tear-soaked lap.
I had two imperfectly good carrot cakes, a mixer full of delicious cream cheese frosting, and a new plan: CAKE BALLS!
cake icing: glaze: Preheat oven to 350. Combine the first six dry ingredients in a bowl and set aside. In a large bowl, whisk together the sugar and oil. Then add each egg one at a time. Add the dry ingredient mix. Stir in the begrudgingly grated carrots. Pour into a 13×9 pan, and bake for 40 minutes. Allow the cake to cool completely, and make the icing by mixing all icing ingredients in a stand mixer on medium until fluffy. Crumble the cooled cake into a food processor and pulse until a fine meal is formed. Then add the cake crumbles to the frosting in the mixer bowl until a really weird feeling cake-icing-paste is formed. It should feel weird. Put it in the freezer for about 15 minutes. While the cake blob is chilling, make the glaze by combining all the glaze ingredients in the stand mixer and set aside. Form the balls and place in tight groupings onto a few sheets of wax paper or aluminum foil to manage the mess you’re about to make. Pour the glaze into a Ziploc bag and cut a small hole in the tip of the bag. Then, wildly drizzle the glaze over all the cake balls. Trying to ice these things completely is about as pleasant as brushing out a synthetic wig. Also, not using as much icing cuts down on the super sweetness most cake balls have. Keep refrigerated when not being shoved into your face.
makes about 40 cake balls
2 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground ginger
2 cups sugar
1 ¼ cups canola oil
4 eggs
3 cups grated carrots
2 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
3 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons honey
2 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon milk
I just read this recipe/story and I am on the floor laughing my head off! You are so funny.
The Carrot Cake Balls sound wonderful.